Everything was going fairly well in my life and everything is now gone. For those that donít want to read a long story about myself, stop reading now, it may get to boring.
Anyways, with the disclaimer over with, donít say that I didnít give fair warning.
I had thought I met the woman of my dreams one January, 4 years ago. I spotted her at the mall, thin as described, a brunette with some bad hair coloring wearing a torn vinyl jacket. She had been only about 5í3Ē, 105 lbs back then but I still found her attractive. Mixed Asian women always have great features that I have always been attracted to. This one was very modest, extremely loving and very loyal.
After just a few months of intense dating, we fell in love with each and decided that weíve met the one and got married.
After that we bought our first home. It was a quaint 3 bedroom, 2 bath, and 1 car attached garage home. It offered a great master bedroom but not much else but it was our little piece of America that we could start our family in.
Things were great the first year; she visited me while I had to go to a month long training session. I bought her a nice leather jacket to replace her vinyl one along with lots of other name brand clothes. I had teased her that it was going to be her Christmas present but I wound up buying her some jewelry.
Everything was fine except I was kind of getting tired of her. Iíve never dated anyone for more than a year so living with someone for a year and a half was tough. I loved her but I got bored of her. It was getting easier yelling at her over stupid things. It started getting natural ignoring her when I got home. It was a habit to let dinner that she had prepared for me, get cold. The time for us to eat after dinner was prepared started getting longer and longer. I just didnít realize what I had then.
Well that summer, my father-in-law, says that I need to take over on payments on an Impala that he had given to my wife as a marriage present. I think thatís when our financial arguments started. I had to also put her on my insurance policy, which at that time wasnít so good. I bought her a loaded out Eddie Bauer Explorer, complete with the ďgoldĒ package. It was my most expensive gift to her to date. She didnít really appreciate it, and got scratches all over it, never washed it, never cleaned it and wound up eventually giving it back to me when we were separated for the first time.
Well to afford the extra $350 or so per month, I had to work a 2nd job. I worked for just above minimum wage at Water Country. I wound up working about 100 hours a week between duty days, water country and the Navy hours. As a matter of fact, I worked more hours at Water Country than she did at Busch Gardens. So naturally I thought that she should be able to take care of more things around the house, including yard work. Our weeds got too high and the city had to cut it. My wife was pregnant and we had our first child that September, Labor Day. Things were getting progressively worse between us after she had gotten pregnant. She started getting jealous, I started standing more duty but I think that is when we started really drifting apart.
After my son was born and my wife returned from the hospital, due to a difficult childbirth, my wife lost a lot of her sex drive. Also she took much longer to heal than average; she had an episiotomy. Well something happened between us and we drifted even further. She no longer cleaned, cooked or did anything much around the house because she was holding our child 24/7. As a matter of fact, she brought the baby to our full size bed and kept him between us. She had even nursed him until he was almost 2.
Well she had decided to inform family advocacy of our little issue and then thatís when we had gotten fully apart. She left while the command gave me a restraining order, much after the fact of when it had happened.
We started our separation for about a year. I was stuck with all the bills and had to pay child support, pay for her vehicle and pay for insurance on the vehicle. It cost be about $1500/month. Since I barely made $4000/month after taxes, I had to take a 2nd job, at Pizza Hut while being 3 section duty. I spent about an avg of 120 hours/week at work between the 2 jobs. I had to go without heat at the house, often sleeping at 55 degrees or less during that winter. Things got much better after I got a roommate and after I got a 2nd roommate, all was well again where I didnít have to work so many hours at Pizza Hut.
Our relationship started healing a little bit and sure enough she got pregnant while we were separated. Our second son was born just before summer. Well I thought since we have 2 children together it was worth trying to save our marriage. Her father stopped paying mortgage on his house and had his house sold to one of those I buy houses guys. That meant that her father, her brother and his wife, and both her grandparents had to move into a quaint 2 bedroom apartment shared with her sister. I did not want my 2 sons to live in that apartment because her brother and wife are extremely dirty. He is 26 years old, doesnít work and still asks his father for money.
I stretched the limits of my finances to buy a house to save our marriage and her grandparents. Her grandparents demanded 2 bedrooms of the 4 bedroom house because they didnít love each other. They paid me $322/month but my wife often took anywhere between $100 to all of it to pay for her expenses. One month when she didnít work she even had me pay her car payment. Well her father, even though he had received $20,000 from the equity of the sale of his house managed to get both his cars repoíed (total of 4 since I have known him). He had my wife chauffer him around this whole time.
My wife was supposed to pay the electric and gas bills and maybe chip in some money for the mortgage. To date she hasnít paid one penny toward those expenses. My wife was supposed to pay for her own insurance and she was but I had a bright idea that Iíd save her $20/month if I put it on my policy and sheíd give me the money for it but I havenít received a dime from that.
During this whole time she didnít say hi tome when I came home from a long day of work. She maybe cooked dinner a total of 5 times for me, I cooked more than that. We were intimate perhaps just once a month at the most. After work she often stayed at the apartment until midnight or so before coming home (she got off of work at 9 or so). It had been her job to buy food for the family and she called my command saying I wouldnít buy milk for my kids. She didnít work in January and I had given her $630 that month ($322 from grandparents and $300 or so for her car) and she didnít even buy groceries. She also called the police on me twice during this time saying that I was too close to her during an argument. During our arguments she starts shouting and screaming and working herself into a frenzy and then has nervous twitches and she had the audacity to blame that on me. She claimed it happened 4 times. After counseling, I asked her to stopped yelling during our arguments and she hasnít had one since.
Well the last time she threatened to call the cops on me for no apparent reason, I lost it. I had been trying to buy a house for her since her dad had screwed up her credit so bad (I had built it up while we were married earlier by having joint accounts) so could start our final separation. I was tired of her, tired of the same old arguments but she didnít listen to common sense, she didnít listen to counselors. Well she blew off going to Navy Legal to get our separation, I had been hoping that we would get our divorce the cheap amicable way. Well I hit her, then she hit me but since she had taken martial arts for 15 years or so (she has a mantel full of trophies), she was going for permanent damage. She tried to kick my knees out, tried to punch my throat, tried to knee me in the groan. Each of those acts made me pissed even more. Well she had a lot of superficial cuts and marks and the cops hauled me off.
Now Iím kicked out of my house. My wife has almost everything I own. She moved in her deadbeat father and high school dropout without a job sister. And put a restraining order so I canít even see my sons. Itís really weird to have worked so hard for so much and have lazy people just take everything away. I feel a lot like Joab, from the Bible, and that this may be one big test. I really donít have any patience and I have placed too much importance on material things. Now that I have nothing, I feel relieved except I have the bills for the nothing that I have. Iím still paying all of the mortgage and all the bills of the house and my wife had the nerve to complain to the command when I turned off the cable and the cable modem. I just canít fathom how she feels justified in all this. She put absolutely no energy into the house, she hindered my career and she made me live in hell for the past 3 years. I forgave lots of things about her, treated her nicely even toward the end, for the most part (its difficult when the other person keeps saying that they hate you), supported her family and begged forgiveness for the earlier incident. Well my job is on the line, I may be separated from the Navy, I canít see my family, her family is living off of me and I donít have a penny to show for the 12 years I put in the Navy. How is this possible? Also I need a good divorce lawyer and I'm open to suggestions.